Wallpaper is Stupid

Wallpaper is stupid.  Most of it is ugly, like the green and red stuff in my bathroom or the flowered junk that was on our utility room walls.  But, I found one really cool wallpaper with red berries to hang in my kitchen.  This wallpaper was not stupid until 4 days ago.  It was super cool, and I was really excited about the stupid wallpaper. 

Then, Monday happened.  We have to go all the way back to the beginning of the downward spiral that ended in screaming and stupid wallpaper.  Five days earlier, I had to stop wearing my contacts for several days before an eye appointment.  I hate glasses just a little bit less than wallpaper, and I only hate them less because I'm pretty much legally blind, and they are necessary.  That bumps them up a tiny notch. 

So, for 4 days, I wore my glasses.  I had no peripheral vision, and every time I thought I saw something beside me, I jerked my head around like our (half-blind) Chihuahua, Sugarbaby, jerks her head trying to catch invisible bugs.  Super cute. 

By the time I had my appointment on Monday, which was Jason's birthday, I was so ready to be done with it and put my contacts back in.  My family was more ready.  I had become so irritated by my sight deprivation, that they were hiding to the back and sides of me because, of course, I couldn't see them there. 

The doctor informs me that the medicine to dilate my eyes would last 24 to 36 hours.  Yea.  That's a long time to squint and wear that goofy plastic sun glass thing in my stupid glasses.  And so begins the problem with the wallpaper.  We were supposed to hang the wallpaper that afternoon, but my eyes were so dilated that I looked like a sad puppy in an anime cartoon.  I had some major coordination issues.

Jason decides that he is going to hang the wallpaper himself.  Cool with me.  He watched the videos online, read the instructions, gathered the stuff, and set to work.  Now, this wallpaper is white with red berries.  Let's list the problems:  the wall showed through the paper because it was not painted first, his pencil marks showed through the paper, and you can not hang wallpaper alone.  It just sticks to itself on the bottom while you try to smooth out the top.  Fast forward a few minutes, and he's cussing.  I finally check out the situation and very sweetly (not) tell him that I'll just do it myself.   I only succeed in doing the same moronic thing he did and waste another strip of paper before I pitch a very grown-up fit complete with choice words.  And, I'm tripping everywhere because my eyes are still dilated. 

We managed to remain ticked off at each other and the wallpaper the rest of the night, crawled into bed frowning at each other, and woke up growling at each other.  So, of course, I made him get up and drive the girls to school.  I didn't want to be alone in my misery. 

While he was gone, I decided that the battle had gone on long enough, and I started to see the humor in the whole mess.  So, I did the mature thing - I wrote him a sorry note and hung it on the garage door.  It read:
I'm sorry I'm being an "jerk"
Will you forgive me and be my friend again
Check Yes or No
PS - you never have to hang wallpaper again

Upon his return from the punishment of having to wake up and drive children, he kindly answered my note with:
No - see back
Which read - But I will be your BFF. Wallpaper sucks!

Funny how stupid wallpaper can make me love him more.  Probably because he's my BFF. 

We'll just have to pay someone to hang the stupid wallpaper.